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Bobby supplies the goodies
Gum. Mints. Fans. Useful little things. Emergency little things. Whatever the night requires, Bobby is usually already carrying it.
Foundational doctrine
The Bobby Standard.
At the club, Bobby provides goodies for everyone else. In return, everyone else has one job: keep offering Bobby water.
Bobby provides. You hydrate.
This is not a one-time exchange. It is a continuing social obligation for the entire duration of club operations.
The club economy
Bobby is the provider.
Bobby arrives prepared. He has goodies. He distributes them freely. He looks after the community. This creates a reciprocal duty.
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The community benefits
Everyone takes from the Bobby supply chain. Nobody is required to repay Bobby in kind.
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The repayment is water
The only expected return is simple: offer Bobby water. Then offer him water again later. Then keep doing that.
Comparative evidence
This is why the rule exists.
The public record demonstrates what happens when the reciprocal hydration obligation is met — and what happens when it is neglected.
Exhibit A
Bobby, properly supported
- Alert and composed
- Stable posture
- Fully operational
- Goodie distribution capacity preserved
Exhibit B
Bobby, failed by the system
- Visible depletion
- Reduced reserves
- Still attempting to remain useful to others
- Community hydration obligations clearly unmet
Operational rule
How often should Bobby be offered water?
Repeatedly. There is no "I already asked him" exemption. The Bobby Standard is based on ongoing availability, not a single ceremonial offer.
If Bobby gives you a goodie
Offer him water.
If Bobby gives someone else a goodie
You should probably offer him water anyway.
If 20–30 minutes have passed and nobody has offered Bobby water
The system has failed. Correct it.
If Bobby says "I'm fine"
Acknowledge the statement. Continue making water readily available.
If you cannot remember the last time Bobby was offered water
That is your answer. Offer Bobby water.
Division of responsibility
The obligation does not belong to one designated hydration officer. It belongs to everyone benefiting from Bobby's presence.
Primary dutyThe person currently closest to Bobby should offer water.
Secondary dutyThe person who most recently received a goodie should verify Bobby has water.
Community dutyIf nobody else is doing it, congratulations: it is now your job.
No defense"I assumed somebody else was handling it" is specifically prohibited.
Hydration enforcement
The standing offer requirement
Water should be treated as a continuously renewed offer. The community should create a state in which Bobby is never more than a short interval away from someone saying, "Do you need water?"
Acceptable conduct
"Bobby, water?"
Excellent. Efficient. Compliant.
Handing Bobby a sealed bottle
Preferred where available.
Returning from the bar with an extra water without being asked
Exemplary community behavior.
Unacceptable conduct
"I offered him water earlier."
Earlier is not now.
"He can ask if he wants some."
This fundamentally misunderstands the Bobby Standard.
"I thought someone else was doing it."
They thought the same thing. This is how dehydration happens.
Accepting multiple goodies while never once checking on Bobby
Aggravated noncompliance.
Frequently asked questions
Does Bobby have to ask for water?
No. The entire premise is that he should not have to.
How many times should I offer?
More than once. Think periodic, not ceremonial.
What if Bobby declines?
Fine. Respect the decline. Offer again later.
What if Bobby already has water?
Excellent. The system is functioning. Reassess later.
Does sparkling water count?
Yes.
Does vodka soda count?
No.
Controlling precedent
Bobby v. Everyone Else (2026)
The court held unanimously that the social benefit created by Bobby's continuous distribution of goodies gives rise to a continuous reciprocal hydration duty. A single earlier offer of water does not extinguish that duty.
Bobby gives all night. Offer water all night.
That is the entire doctrine.
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